Tag Archive: awareness


summer flower

We all live busy lives in one way or the other. We spend much of our time focusing on what we feel we need to get done and in the process we often overlook ourselves and end up ignoring our own needs. We tell ourselves we’ll attend to our needs when we have the time…and then the time somehow never comes. Sometimes if we over-focus on taking care of those around us for too long, we actually let go of what’s important to us and can even become resentful of doing what we chose to do in the first place. In essence we unintentionally give up our personal power. Without meaning to, we become victim to our circumstances and our lives. But when we wake up to what we are doing and remember that we have a choice in not only what we do, but how we think, we can rebalance our lives and regain our personal power.

Why not take some time for you this summer to reclaim your power for yourself? Consider joining us, at Intuitive Psychology, PLC, in Scottsdale, AZ, for our exciting Find your Power Summertime Workshop Series. This series of four 90 minute monthly educational workshops is a fun way to engage your brain and inspire yourself to pursue those things you’ve been wanting to do. Take a pledge to make yourself a priority this summer and learn the skills you need to move yourself forward in your life. This is an excellent opportunity to learn, laugh, and exchange ideas with others. In June, gain tools to help you move easily through transition and embrace change! In July, discover how to make wise decisions using the power of choice. In August, learn how to find balance in the middle of your busy life. In September, discover the importance of setting healthy boundaries to create happiness in your life and in your relationships. Attend the workshops individually or find out about getting a series discount for pre-purchasing 3 or 4 workshops: 480-261-4061.  

To find out more:

http://us6.campaign-archive1.com/?u=ebe9b90fe3bd13fd0f7764593&id=cfeea4c793&e=

Go ahead…Do it…Make time to discover your personal power this summer…You certainly deserve it…

Embracing Change
June 25, 2015 6:30pm-8:00pm

Power of Choice
July 23, 2015 6:30pm-8:00pm

Finding Balance in Your Life
August 27, 2015 6:30pm-8:00pm

Setting Healthy Boundaries: The secret to happiness
September 24, 2015

See you there!

Be happy and well,

Sari Roth-Roemer, Ph.D.

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intuition photo

Intuition:
Listening to your own answers
Thursday, April 30, 2015
6:30pm – 8:00pm
Sometimes we don’t know where to turn when we need solutions to problems – we look to friends, family and professionals, but forget to ask the person who knows us best. Ourselves. This workshop will show you how to navigate through the mysteries of using your intuition to find your own answers. Come discover effective techniques and practical skills for learning to listen more clearly to your intuition.
Sign up for this workshop securely:
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/intuition-listening-to-your-own-answers-tickets-11386275657

…maybe meet some new faces and learn something about yourself? Hope to see you there!

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer, Ph.D.

compassionThere’s a FaceBook page I’ve been following daily called “The Optimism Revolution.” Have you seen it? It is really wonderful. Daily inspiring quotes that are less cliché and more thoughtful than most. Today the one he posted was particularly good. It’s the photograph you see here.  It reminds us all that what we see is not always what we get. There are things going on in the background of every person’s life that we may not be aware of. Consider that what a person is  saying or doing in the moment may have very little or even nothing at all to do with us, even though it may be directed at us. That can be hard, for sure. The trick is to be aware that this is occurring underneath the surface of everyone we meet. It is on that level that we can connect with one another as compassionate imperfect humans. With practiced awareness we can learn to quickly let go of the automatic judgments we form and recognize those opinions simply as thoughts that can be transformed, rather than immutable facts. We can give the benefit of the doubt to another, if we let ourselves. What a relief it is to know that we can let go of the burden of judgment and allow ourselves to view our world through the glasses of kindness and compassion whenever we choose. I mean, don’t you feel better when you’re filled with compassion rather than filled with annoyance? The choice about how we respond emotionally, if we give ourselves a moment or two to think about it, is always ours. We can let go of the thought patterns that are keeping us in our reactive upset and choose to move our hearts and our minds towards compassion. You would certainly hope someone else would do it for you on a bad day, wouldn’t you?

Consider compassion today, will you?

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer, Ph.D.

P.S. I think you may need to follow “The Optimism Revolution”  (https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Optimism-Revolution/155904444501553) on FaceBook, don’t you? It brightens my day on a regular basis…hopefully it will do the same for you. And of course, the more people who have brighter days, the brighter our world will be.

BeHereNowThere’s so much going on in our busy lives these days. We run from one thing to the next. We complain to our friends and family “Oh, I’m so busy!” …and then we continue on the same path. We struggle to finish one task so we can move on to the next. We look ahead and see an endless line of upcoming tasks. We are tired, we are exhausted, we are worn out…and yet, we keep going? Maybe with less and less enthusiasm and energy, but we keep trudging on in the same direction…

Stop. Now. For a moment.

Just stop and breathe. Really, really breath. Take a deep, deep breath in, hold it for a moment and then exhale it completely. Now, do it again. And again. And once again. Keep going. Focus only on this breathing without any judgment. Letting go of everything else for the moment and just let yourself focus on nothing but the natural rhythm of your breathing. As if this very breath was recalibrating your whole system. Re-tuning your heart, your soul, your body, your mind…you. Listen to the breathe. Let your mind clear. Feel your body slow and expand with each breath you take. How nice does that feel to know that you have the power to reset and recharge? To stop if only for a moment or two or three and to let yourself just breathe. Connecting with everything around you in a way that it fully present and aware of the very moment your in.

And then once you’ve cleared your mind with your breath and come into the present moment. Ask yourself, “Is this what I want to be doing right now? Am I spending my time and my energy on what I want to be doing? And if so, am I doing it how I want to be doing it? If not, what do I want to do and how can I get there?” Listen for the true answers that only you know. Ask yourself if you are paying attention to what you are doing or if you are simply on automatic going from one thing to the next, to the next, without really thinking moment by moment about what you are doing? How much more might you appreciate what you are doing if you brought your focus back onto it directly? I’m asking you to tune in. To pay attention. To be fully aware of what you are doing at the time you are doing it.  Listen to your intuition. Tune into your own answers that are available if you take the time to stop and listen. How much richer might your experience be? How much more might you get out of what you are doing? How much more might you enjoy what you are doing if you allow yourself to come out of automatic and make the choice purposefully enjoy it? There’s really only one way to find out.

Stop.

For a moment.

Breathe.

Be present.

Choose.

What do you think? Worth a try?

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer, Ph.D.

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You’ve heard about mindfulness and want to learn more…then this workshop for you! Come take your lunch hour to join us on this dynamic adventure into mindfulness, with a twist of intuition. In this workshop you will learn how to enhance your awareness and make purposeful choices to shape your life in the direction you’d like to go.  The Thoughtful Thursday workshop series takes place on the 4th Thursday of every month, offering a variety of thought-provoking psychological and wellness topics. Each workshop in this series uncovers the biology behind the psychology, and gives you practical tools to change your mind and your brain to be a happier and healthier you.

Thoughtful Thursdays:

Mindfulness Explained

Thursday, April 25, 2013

12:00pm-1:15pm

5635 N. Scottsdale Road, Suite 170
Scottsdale, AZ 85250
480-261-4061
http://www.intuitivepsychologyplc.com

Call 480-261-4061 to register now. Pre-registration required.
$50 registration (companion $25). Save 10% if you mention this blog post!

Come learn and have some fun while you’re at it. It’s time to take some well deserved time for yourself, isn’t it?

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer, Ph.D.

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Check out my latest Mindset Column in the “Out and About Issue” of az-lifestyle.com on how to get moving again and accomplish all the things you’ve been wanting to do, just by setting your intention!

http://az-lifestyle.com/2013/3/313#p=60

Get Moving!
Setting Your Intentions and Getting Motivated…

Spring has sprung (or is at least close to springing) and it’s time to get going with those New Year’s resolutions that are quickly becoming stale. What is it you want to do? Are the goals you set for yourself at the beginning of the year still something you want to do or is it time to modify and recharge? Whatever the answer may be it’s time to set your intentions, get up from the couch and move forward with purpose in the direction you want to go. What’s stopping you?

Unfortunately, all too often when we look towards our future, we worry. Why do we do that? Interestingly, for most of us, worry is typically an attempt to control through anticipation anything bad that could happen. The problem is, not only does it not control for that, it actually points us in the direction of our worries, leading us where we don’t want to go and leaving us feeling more out of control. Even worse, our fears can stop us in our tracks and keep us from moving forward towards what we really want.

Of course, we don’t intentionally want that to happen. We worry out of habit, usually in an automatic mindless state. What happens if instead we catch ourselves worrying and purposely redirect our attention from what we don’t want to happen onto what we do want to happen? What happens if we intentionally decide to point our arrow where we want it to go, rather than where we’re fearful it will go? The answer is, of course, we’re more like to achieve our goals, get what we want, and feel more in control. That sounds good to me. How about you?

Our brain actually reflects these actions. An area of our cortex, called the anterior cingulate gyrus, helps us set our intentions and make reasoned decisions. The amygdala, the hub of our emotional motivation located in our limbic system, can help activate us to move towards our goals. When things are working right, our neurons in the anterior cingulate gyrus and in the amydala actually fire in synchrony with one another, giving us that wonderful feeling that all is well and helping us to achieve our goals…our reason and emotion working together.

You can set your intention for any situation, big or small. When you wake up in the morning, set your intention for the day. Do you want to stay nonreactive in the midst of chaos, have fun, or face a challenge with calmness? Before you enter a meeting, have an important conversation with your spouse, or go on a trip, think about setting your intention about what you would like to have happen and how you would like to behave. Be careful of setting your intention for how you’d like other people to behave or react. Setting your intention aimed at others will almost always lead to failure, as you have no control over anyone but yourself.

Consider paying attention to where you are now, what you want, and where you want to go. When the mind is wandering onto possible negative future scenarios, the head starts hurting, the stomach starts aching, the neck and back get sore, ask yourself, “how is it helping me now to focus on my worries?” Remind yourself that you are the one in control of your thoughts, and of your life, and that when you focus on what you hope will happen you will necessarily feel better. Then redirect your thoughts on how you would like things to be, and allow yourself to take steps, no matter how small, in that direction. Think how good that could feel? Now, this doesn’t mean that bad things won’t happen or that there won’t be obstacles along your path. It means that those challenges won’t deter you, if you can allow yourself to keep your eye on your goals.

How to Aim Your Arrow:

  • Purposefully decide to set your intention
  • Sit quietly and focus on what you want
  • Focus your intention on yourself and not on someone else
  • Speak it out loud
  • Write it down
  • See it happening in your minds eye
  • Return to it purposefully, again and again
  • Keep track of it…allow it to take its own shape
  • Don’t let yourself be hijacked by your fears, inattention, or judgments

You can accomplish whatever you put your mind to…so pay attention to where you’re putting your mind!

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer

 

Voted Editors Pick in PaperBlog in March 2013

http://en.paperblog.com/time-to-get-moving-451794/

Screen shot 2013-02-06 at 7.20.48 PMThe new AZ-Lifestyle.com Romance Issue is out!
Take a look at the new Mindset Column:
http://az-lifestyle.com/2013/2/213.html#p=60

What would you say is the key to a good relationship? Is it love? Is it romance? Is it sharing common interests and values? Is it old-fashioned chemistry? The truth is, we need all these things to make a relationship work, but without honesty, kindness and healthy communication, none of that stuff alone will keep a relationship together.

Holding two people in a loving relationship can be work at times. Opinions, wants and needs between a couple will necessarily differ from time to time, creating conflict. That’s normal. The problem occurs when people are surprised by and or intolerant to these naturally occurring differences that arise. When we expect that our relationships will have a general sense of ease, but will be scattered with occasional conflict and differences of opinion, we are less likely to be surprised when the discord occurs and more likely to handle it well.

Researchers have found that how a couple handles disagreement can predict the relationship’s success or failure. There are rules of conflict. Most of us are aware that name-calling is a “no-no”; that’s belittling and unkind. Just don’t do it. Saying something intentionally hurtful to wound or shame another person is also off limits.

It starts with respect for the fact that we each have our own opinion in a relationship. When we hold an awareness that just as our own perspective makes perfect sense to us, our partner’s perspective makes perfect sense to them, we set ourselves up for success in our relationships. We may not always agree, but tolerating differences of opinion can certainly strengthen a relationship and help it mature well.

If something is bothering you, it is important to talk about it. Keeping things bottled up inside can lead to growing resentment, passive aggressive behavior and emotional outbursts which can damage a relationship. Letting others know your needs is critical. If you don’t let others know there’s an issue, they won’t know (most of us mortals don’t read minds) and the problem won’t get fixed. Remember, disagreement doesn’t have to mean fight. There are kind ways to share your concerns. In fact, communicating brings about solutions and can actually connect you even more closely with the one you love.

When in doubt, follow these general rules of thumb for successful communication:

  1. Speak from a place of purpose, calm and love – If you aren’t aware of what your goal is, how can you achieve it? If you’re upset and angry, how will you be listened to and how will you ever get your point across? Remember you are speaking to someone you love, so speak kindly.
  2. Avoid pointing the finger and getting defensive– Take responsibility for what is yours. When you blame, people get defensive and stop listening, causing communication to break down.
  3. Address underlying feelings – Sometimes we’re not talking about what we think we’re talking about. Speak to the emotion and not the content when you’re talking about the tough stuff. “I’m sorry your upset,” acknowledging another’s feelings and is hugely supportive.
  4. Remember, it’s all in your perspective -Avoid making your truth sound like THE truth. Acknowledge that this is the way you are looking at the situation, which may differ from your partner’s. “You just don’t get it,” works less well than,  “The way I am seeing it…”
  5. Keep a Sense of Humor – Be careful not to take yourself too seriously. Laughter can ease tension and often helps you gain a new perspective.
  6. Really Listen – Try to listen to and appreciate your partner’s perspective without dismissing it off hand. Everyone has a right to their own opinion. Repeat back what is said to you and let them know you’re listening.

Sometimes, if you’ve had the opportunity to share your feelings, it’s helpful to agree to disagree. “I love you too much to argue,” can work like a charm and puts the emphasis on the importance of your relationship and not the topic of the conversation. “You may be right,” gets you out of the power struggle and back to your relationship. It’s not a concession, just a recognition that your partner’s perspective matters too. That’s the problem, sometimes we forget that our partner may feel as strongly about their perspective as we do about ours. With that very awareness, we let go of right and wrong, and move towards acceptance and resolution.

Talking with the one you love is always a good choice…good times or bad times, honest & kind communication is what will keep relationships together.

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer

Editors Pick on PaperBlog in February 2013. Thank you PaperBlog!

http://en.paperblog.com/talking-towards-togetherness-426553/

I ran across this beautiful Mother Theresa quote on FaceBook and thought I’d share it …

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”

Perspective making and inspiring, yes?? Let’s just do our best…

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer
Editor’s Pick on Paperblog in Novemeber!

 

 

 

What do you want out of life and how can you get it? Cut and paste the link below to see my latest Mindset column on that very topic in AZ-Lifestyle.com, pages 74-76, hot off the presses:

http://az-lifestyle.com/2012/9/912.html?pageindex=58

Great issue all about the new Arizona performing arts season. Check it out…

 

 

What Do You Want?

You can’t always get what you want. Right? The Rolling Stones even wrote a song about it. But is this really true?

What would you say if I told you that you can have pretty much anything you want to have in life? You can you know. The secret is to allow it to take shape in the way it’s going to take shape. It just may not look how you thought it would look.

Often, when we set our sights on what we want, we envision exactly how we want it to be. Now, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s actually a really good start…something to aim for. The problems arise when we hold steadfastly to that vision and don’t allow it to morph and take shape given the circumstances of our lives. Our new job MUST pay X amount of dollars, our new love interest MUST have X physical attributes, our new home MUST be a single family 3-bedroom house with a pool, our health problems MUST completely recover and go into remission, we MUST lose X amount of pounds and fit into a size X. We tell ourselves that this is the way it must be and anything less won’t do. And with that, without even realizing it, we’ve put ourselves into a box of our own making. The vision itself turns into a constraint.

What if instead, you allow yourself to set a goal and then make choices along the way based on what life presents you. You get offered a decent new job that doesn’t pay as much as you would have liked, but could lead to new opportunities if you try it and stick with it. You meet a man/woman who looks completely different than you had envisioned, but is kind and considerate, making it worth going on another date to find out more. You search for that house with a pool and find you can’t afford it, so you allow yourself to consider a condo with a nice community pool and work out room, just out of curiosity. You discover your back still hurts if you do certain things, so you allow yourself to do daily excises and experiment with finding things you can still do. You lose 10 pounds instead of 20 by going to the gym and eating well, and you discover that you feel healthier and happier, despite not reaching your original weight goal. Instead of rejecting new options off-hand as not what you had originally wanted, can you allow yourself to remain open to the possibilities of what may be available to you at this point in your life…without judgment?

You see, it’s our judgments and expectations that get in our way…theyactuallyput us into our own boxes. What I mean is, most things are only “bad” or “not right“, if we tell ourselves they are. Our thoughts are just our thoughts, not the Truth with a capital T…and luckily, we can change our thoughts if we allow ourselves the option.

By letting go of the judgments and permitting ourselves to consider alternatives we open up the box. We are no longer constrained; we are free to have just about anything we want because all of a sudden we are open to the possibilities in front of us. You CAN enjoy your life, if only you allow yourself. We often resist this openness to options out of fear of loss of control. The truth is, once we are aware of the constraints and let ourselves consider new options, we often feel liberated. What we thought was control was just restriction instead! So why not just let your thoughts be just that –thoughts, instead of obstacles? Allow yourself to explore your options in life with curiosity and wonder.

So, if you find yourself feeling trapped, constrained, stuck or frustrated, maybe ask yourself, “am I considering all the options?” Be thoughtful and aware. Let yourself be curious about how things might look if you challenged yourself to look at it another way. You’re just considering the alternatives after all. Then, most importantly, listen to that inner voice of yours. It may just be trying to tell you what you need to hear…”step out of the box”…”you can have most anything you want”…”it may just look a little different than you had originally thought.”

Maybe we can’t always get exactly what we want…but we can accept and enjoy what does comes our way, if we are open to taking a new perspective.

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer

Check out my latest Mindset Column at: http://az-lifestyle.com/2012/8/812.html?pageindex=134.

Why Worry?

Sometimes life just hands us a big plate of yuck. Even those of us with optimistic tendencies have to admit that sometimes life is hard. The problem is, as much as we know this to be true, in our heart of hearts most of us wish it wasn’t. We wish life could be easy, at least most of the time. So when the tough stuff comes, as it always does, often we go straight to worry. “How will I be able to handle that?” “What if it things don’t turn out well?” “What will people think of me if I fail?” And then we forget. We forget to have faith in ourselves. We forget that there is more than one way to look at a situation. We forget that there are often valuable lessons to be learned from the obstacles that sometimes block our path. Why? It’s habit of course. We worry to try to feel in control again, but ironically, this worry pulls us right out of control by placing us in a future that has not yet occurred and that we have no control over. So instead of the sense of control we were hoping for, we end up feeling even more powerless and confused; landing us in an endless cycle of worry and concern. Blocked from seeing the possibilities and the potential lessons available to us.

So, what can we do about it? Be aware. Pay attention. Be mindful of our thoughts and our behavior. And in this act of present focus we can begin to see that we have a choice. Our fate is not predetermined. Our worries are not facts, they are simply thoughts. We have control over our thoughts and behavior in the now. And in this simple act of anchoring ourselves to the present moment we regain our power and our ability to direct our course. We can be aware of the choices that are available to us presently and we can choose wisely, not reflexively. And no matter how rough it gets, when we remind ourselves that we will get through, that we are capable, that there are blessings around us and valuable lessons to be learned, we open a doorway for forward movement and problem solving. Whereas when we focus on our worries and tell ourselves we can’t possibly get through it, we slam that same door shut.

What happens instead of worrying about our inability to cope, if we cultivate faith in ourselves and our ability to handle the situation? “I’m scared, but it will be O.K.” “I know eventually I’ll figure out what I need to do.” Instead of imagining ourselves failing, allowing ourselves to image that we handle the situation, solve the problem, cope really well.

And of course, what’s good for the goose is also good for the gander. How many times have you found yourself saying “Oh, I’m so worried about my friend, my spouse, my brother, my sister, my child…”? Some of us more often than others, but as my mother says, I’d lay dollars to donuts that something like that comes out of your mouth from time to time, especially during times of stress. In fact, some of us may even spend more time worrying about those we love than ourselves. Talk about feeling out of control! Now not only are we worrying about an unknown future, we’re worrying about a future that is not even ours to make choices about. Why do we do it? When we give others our worry, what are we actually saying? “I don’t believe you can handle things?” “I don’t have faith in you?” “I don’t think things will turn out your way?” Now really, who in their right mind would actually say that to anybody they cared about? Yet, without meaning to, that’s exactly what we are saying. We need to realize that our worry won’t help the people we love, our faith in them will. Next time you have concern about someone that you love, instead of thinking or saying, “Oh, I’m so worried about you” perhaps instead you could think or say, “I have faith in you.” ” I know you’ll be able to handle this.” What a gift your faith is. Rather than weighing them down with your fears and worries, you give them wings to fly with your caring and your faith…which is really what you meant to do the whole time, isn’t it?

So, faith vs. worry. Which do you choose?

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer

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