Category: Self Empowerment


Story Sari TedX
I had the honor of being included in TedX Fountain Hills this week, along with 19 other inspirational and amazing speakers. I will tell you, it was a tremendous experience. I am not given to sharing personal stories on this blog, but inspired by the Ted way of doing things, I feel compelled to share a bit of my story about this incredible learning experience with you…

The topic of the TedX Fountain Hills conference was Community. I immediately knew, upon hearing this, that I wanted to talk about creating compassionate communities. As I mentioned in my talk, our communities have grown so exponentially, that we are on information overload and our ability to be compassionate is eroding in response. Our brains can only handle so much before we start to short-circuit with the enormous flow of information, often negative, that is coming at us. I wanted to help break that down…help make things seem manageable for us again. I focused on how we can be compassionate in our every day lives, just by taking charge of saying kind words and thinking kind thoughts every day. By remembering not to take things too personally. By honoring the differences in ourselves and others. By knowing that we are the stories we tell our selves, and that we can change our stories. By realizing that our compassion ignites compassion in others. By remembering that compassion is a choice that is always available to us.

I had a blast putting the talk together. I wrote and I wrote…and then I wrote some more. Unfortunately, then I remembered that I had an 18 minute time constraint! So then I edited and edited…and then I edited some more! Right up until the morning of the talk, I practiced, I rehearsed, I felt in my heart what I wanted to share, and I set my intention to connect with compassion and clarity to the audience.

But that’s only part of the story I really want to share with you. I want to share with you what putting this talk together did for me… In researching, writing, and thinking about compassion, I began to notice the places in my life where I lacked compassion. It was like putting a giant spot-light on my choices. It reminded me on a daily basis that compassion is a choice. It helped me remember that when I approached a situation where I might normally get irritated, that I had the choice to respond compassionately to the person in front of me. Some days I did better at making compassionate choices than others, but almost every day since starting to write my talk I have had the heightened awareness that compassion is a choice.

..and that’s not all. Not only was I aware of my compassionate behavior towards others. I began to become aware of how compassionately, or sadly, uncompassionately I treated myself. When you are faced with the exciting task of taking on a dream, in this case it was my dream to give a Ted talk, it’s amazing how many once hidden self-sabotoging thoughts can all of a sudden rise to the surface. The good news is, when they rise to the surface, you can see them and skim them off, right?? Ha! Luckily, as a psychologist, I am used to the interesting task of both simultaneously experiencing an emotion while observing myself experience the emotion. It’s an interesting trick…but one that is really helpful for learning and growth…and also helps you keep from getting too attached to the emotion. I was really curious about what was happening to me as I was slowly being overtaken by fear. I discovered that I had this tendency to stand right in my own way with my fear and self-limiting thoughts. “What makes you think you have something new to say?” “What makes you special enough to do this?” “What if you get up there and look like a fool?” …and then I began to employ one of my most powerful coping strategies…sharing and exposing my fears to my friends. Not so they could pump me up, but so they could help me have the strength, courage and wisdom to learn how to manage and talk back to these self-defeating thoughts. Each day I worked on being aware of the fear voice inside me and talking back to it with simple compassion and encouragement. “Everybody has a worthy voice.” “This is something you love to talk and teach about.” “If you just let yourself enjoy the experience you will be fine.” “Of course this is something you can do.” I will tell you, it took an amazing amount of effort. It even helped me increase compassion for my friends, family and patients who have all become overwhelmed by the dark voice inside of them from time to time.

Why did I feel compelled to share this all with you? Because I realized, yet again, that we are all in this together. What I tell my patients every day is true. It is not until you go through the pain and the struggle and the self doubt that you can grow and learn and prosper. We don’t get to the good stuff without walking through the tough stuff first. Everybody has to do this from time to time…many times over…none of us our immune. I will tell you, when I got to the other side of it…when I walked off of that stage…I felt exhilarated. It hadn’t gone perfectly…there was a slide mess up and a little word bobble…but none of that mattered. I had gotten up there and said what I wanted to say with a smile in my heart and on my face. I was present for every moment of it. I had faced my fearful inner voice and I had triumphed. The voice inside me was excitedly shouting, “You did it!”

We are the stories we tell ourselves, my friends. What story are you telling yourself today? Sometimes you just have to let yourself acknowledge and hear and learn from the angry or scary words before you can turn them around to compassionate words for others or for yourself. Ultimately, we all need to remember…compassion is a choice that is ALWAYS available to us…and all we have to do…is remember to choose it…

Take a look and see what you think…

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer, Ph.D.

Sometimes we may find ourselves agreeing to do things that we really do not want to do, taking on problems that are not ours, or tolerating rude behavior because we would rather avoid conflict than stand up for ourselves. Does that sound like you? Having clear boundaries, those personal lines that mark the things for which we are responsible, is crucial to a healthy, balanced life. Problems tend to arise when we forget when to say yes, and how to say no. Come join me for this 90 minute workshop to learn and discuss how to strengthen your personal boundaries for a happier, healthier you!

To find out more or register:
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/learning-to-set-healthy-boundariesthe-secret-to-happiness-tickets-13998029483

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To find out more or register:
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/learning-to-set-healthy-boundariesthe-secret-to-happiness-tickets-13998029483

Hope you can join me!

Let your intuition be your guide,
Sari Roth-Roemer, Ph.D.

photo-10Today was a day of reflection. It was an inspiring day of connection, family, friends, and thoughts about peace in an increasingly tumultuous and violent world. It is clear that the task at hand can not be accomplished alone. It is clear that it will take a combined effort of friendship and community. What if we all take a pledge to purposefully be kinder to ourselves and others, to let go and forgive more readily, to have more compassion when faced with dissent, and to think about how we can bring peace to our little portion of the world through the actions that we take with one another? The task of peace is certainly a lofty one. It can seem overwhelming and impossible, especially with the grand scale of hatred and intolerance that we are witnessing across the globe on a daily basis. But, in our own small way, can we each make an effort to make the world a kinder, more peaceful place to live? Can we speak out against hatred and agree to work on being accepting of the differences among us? Because if we don’t, who will? And if we do, what a difference could we make?

If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, then what am ‘I’? And if not now, when?” -Hillel the Elder

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer, Ph.D.

 

IPPLC Power of Choice Flyer SRR final jpg copyChoice is the most powerful tool we have to get us from where we are today to where we want to be tomorrow…but sometimes, without meaning to, we end up getting in our own way. We overthink, we get scared, we block ourselves from moving forward. Come join Dr. Roth-Roemer on Thursday, August 21st at 6:30pm and learn the tools you need to confidently choose a path towards the things you want in your life. Workshops are a fun way to meet new people and learn new skills. Isn’t it time to take some well-deserved time for you?

Advanced reservations are required.
 Securely register on line:
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/the-power-of-choice-tickets-12124752461
or call 480-261-4061 to register

Workshop cost is $40 per person by telephone, $45 per person online, payable by any major credit card, with a discount for students and accompanying family members and significant others.

Join the conversation and learn what your powerful mind can do!

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer, Ph.D.

radio photos

I had a wonderful time on Friday, with my friend Bob Roth, on his radio show, “Health Futures: Taking Stock in You.” We talked about aging,  self-care, and coping with big transitions in life. If you missed it and would like to hear it, you can listen to the pod cast at:  http://media.kfnn.com/content/healthfutures/health-futures_1_010814.mp3. I’d love your feedback! His show is every Friday at noon on KFNN 1510AM/99.3FM, and it’s wonderful! It was an absolute pleasure to be on air with him.

 

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer, Ph.D.

radio2I hope you will tune in this Friday, August 1st at 12noon MST when I talk about Choice and Aging on my friend Bob Roth’s radio show “Health Futures: Taking Stock in You!” on KFNN 1510AM/99.3 FM or stream it live that day at:
http://streamdb4web.securenetsystems.net/v5/KFNN

Bob has a wonderful way of bringing out the best in people. This should be a good listen!

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer, Ph.D.

Purple-butterfly

So I took my 16 year old son shopping the other day…yes, you heard me right, I purposely took my teenage son to a clothing store to buy a shirt and tie for an important event. I know it was a set up, but it had to be done. It was after school and he was really tired and a little (maybe a lot) cranky. He fussed and complained and told me repeatedly that he wanted to go home. Eventually we found him a very nice looking shirt and tie and as we left the store he said to me sweetly and sincerely, “Thank you, Mom.” I smiled and said back to the boy who is used to having a mother who is a psychologist, “So I am wondering, does it feel better when you are annoyed and upset with me, or does it feel better when you are thankful and appreciative of me?” He got into the car, and answered with a little smile on his face, “…the better one…”

We forget, you know. We get so caught up in our right to feel angry and annoyed, that we forget that it makes us feel bad when we hold on to it for too long. Now I am not advocating for disallowing anger, shoving it down or denying it. I am talking about recognizing it, looking at it for what it is, and letting it move through; especially when we are talking about frustration and upset at the people we love the most. Are you happier when you are stuck in the resentment you are feeling when someone you care about hurts your feelings inadvertently, or do you feel better when you breathe, let it go, and remember why you love them in the first place?

One of my favorite quotes, often attributed to Buddha, is, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” No matter who said it, it’s true. We are the ones who are hurt by hanging on to feelings of anger, frustration and victimization. It disempowers us, it makes us sick, it causes us emotional, physical and spiritual harm.

So how do we do it? How do we let go of something that makes us really upset and angry? How do we put down something that we have a real reason to be mad about? We have to ask ourselves…”is this constant anger hurting me? Is it holding me back? Is it preventing me from moving forward in my life? Is it making me feel bad or sick? If the answer is “yes”, and often it is when we’ve been nursing an old hurt, we need to begin to look for a new story to tell ourselves. Even if the story is, “I can’t be held back and hurt by this any more. I need to let go and move forward in my life. I am going to stop making the case for my anger.”

Ask yourself what I asked my son. What makes you feel better? To feel angry or to feel grateful? There is always something to be grateful for if we look around us. Feel what you feel, don’t deny it, but allow yourself to move through the difficult stuff. You have a choice. You are nobody’s victim. When you remember that you have a choice in how you look at a situation and what you say to yourself about it, you step into your power.

Will you choose “the better one”?

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer, Ph.D.

 

Time to be happy? Learn the tricks you need to train your brain to face even the most difficult situations with a smile in your heart…Thursday, May 20th from 6:30-8pm at Intuitive Psychology, PLC. Come join the conversation and learn what your powerful mind can do for you!
Register now at: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/choosing-happiness-rewiring-your-brain-for-positivity-tickets-11376205537
Or call us to register at:  (480) 261-4061.

 

IPPLC Happiness flyer 05-20-2014 srrfin copy

 

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer, Ph.D.

Ready for a change? Dreading a change? Change is a natural part of life, yet we have a tendency to let it throw us off balance. Whether you fear it or enjoy it, come join me on Tuesday, March 25th at 6:30pm at Intuitive Psychology, PLC in Scottsdale to talk about how to accept and thrive in the midst of changes in your life. To register call: 480-261-4061.

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happy hearts

So many fun things happening this month at Intuitive Psychology, PLC. Come join us…

“Communicating Effectively”
October 22, 2013
12:00pm-1:15pm
Intuitive Psychology, PLC
Scottsdale, AZ 85250

In our ever-expanding world of today, communication occurs across vast distances in time and space. Ideas, emotions, thoughts and information are exchanged using verbal and non-verbal signals, as well as through technological means – but how do we know that our message is being received clearly? Come learn how to develop the skills you need to successfully communicate with other.

The Mindful Tuesday workshop takes place on the fourth Tuesday of every month, offering a variety of thought-provoking psychological and wellness topics. Each workshop in this series uncovers the biology behind the psychology, and gives you practical tools to change your mind and your brain to be improve your overall well-being.

Registration fee is $40, with discounts for accompanying significant others or family members. Pre-registration is required, as space is limited. Call 480-261-4061 to register.

 

Join us for an exciting SPECIAL EVENT:

“Happy Hearts”
Tuesday, October 29th
6-7:30pm
Intuitive Psychology, PLC
Scottsdale, AZ 85250

Our bodies and minds are in a delicate, yet powerful dance together. Research shows us that stress plays an enormous part in our physical and mental health and well being. When stress overwhelms us, it places our health in jeopardy. Come learn with me, as I welcome well-respected cardiologist, Dr. Anne Marie Feyrer-Melk to join me in discussing how to help keep your heart happy and healthy in the midst of a busy, stressful life. This is an exciting opportunity to learn from two perspectives, the medical and the psychological, on how to maintain a healthy mind-body-spirit balance.

Registration is $50 per person, with accompanying family member or significant other at a discount. Reservation is required as space is limited.

ANNE MARIE FEYRER-MELK, M.D. is an accomplished and innovative Cardiologist pioneering a whole body approach to caring for the heart. She is Director of Heart of Arizona Optimal Cardiac Care in Scottsdale, AZ http://www.heartofarizona.com

SARI ROTH-ROEMER, PH.D. is a leading Medical Psychologist with over 20 years of experience teaching people how to trust their intuition and find balance in their lives. She is Director of Intuitive Psychology, PLC in Scottsdale, AZ. http://www.intuitivepsychologyplc.com

 

All workshops take place at Intuitive Psychology, PLC in Scottsdale, AZ. Call 480-261-4061 for registration details or go tohttp://www.intutivepsychologyplc.com. Space is limited to allow for an intimate setting of learning and discussion.

 

I hope you can join us!

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer, Ph.D.

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